you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize