I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
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His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
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I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
you never un-have a 4some
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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