Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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