So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
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You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
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I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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