if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
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