Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize