im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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