You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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