This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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