just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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