I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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