So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize