I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
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