things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
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I have surprise drugs for everyone
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
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And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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