Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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