Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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