im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
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47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
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your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
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