What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
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