I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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