That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
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I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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