Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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