she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
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we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
wow bdsm is so cute
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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