On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even my vagina gasped.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize