I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize