Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
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