Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
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he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
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We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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