I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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