Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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