You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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