so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize