forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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