I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
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I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
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Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
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