woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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