I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
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and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
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Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize