She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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