im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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