I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize