he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
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I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
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Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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