I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
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There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
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I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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