i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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