Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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