please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize