Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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