hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You left your underwear on the fireplace
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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