yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
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We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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