I should be sponsored by Trojan
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize