Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
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I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
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Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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