I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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