a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
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At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
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I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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