I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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